I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
zippers are such a cool invention
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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