the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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