Welp...herpes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
