just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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