So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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