I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
