Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
