I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
