im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
