Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
