her vagine was all disorganized.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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