i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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