Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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