In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize