Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Every concussion has its silver lining
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
