Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
