we have pet lesbian snakes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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