Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
