and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
