Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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