every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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