I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
