Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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