I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
