i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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