i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
