After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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