I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need a beard to bite.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
