Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
