i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
