Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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