Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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