i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
