I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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