There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
