she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My vagina is officially offended.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
