How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
