i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ugly people sure do ruin things
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my poor anus
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
