$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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