the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
