There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
