I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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