Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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