I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we should paint friendship bongs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
