Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
