An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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