He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
