I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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