I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize