No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
