I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
