I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When are your genitals available?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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