Yo dont text me then not text me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
