You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
