i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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