I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize