I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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