I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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