I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
