4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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