ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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