My first STD was from a foam party
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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