The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
