can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
