We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate all girls vehemently.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
