It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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