OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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