He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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