I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
