At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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