You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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