I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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