i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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