So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
